Over the last 2 years the inner journey of the heart has become more and more important to me. Much more so than before, when I put a greater emphasis on what I did. For example, I used to think of my call, in terms of what I did in ministry, but now I’m learning to see my call more in terms of who I’m becoming. And what I do as flowing from who I am.
Or when it comes to discernment, important questions for me were, ‘What is God calling me to do?’ and ‘Whom is he calling me to serve?’ and ‘How is he calling me to serve?’ While these questions are still important to answer, I’m finding it’s more important to ask questions like, ‘What is motivating me to want to do this?’ and ‘What feelings arise in my heart, when I think/go about doing this?’ Are there feelings of joy, peace, hope and so on? Or does it stir up feelings of anxiety, inadequacy, discouragement? What does that tell me about what’s going on in my heart? What does it tell me about where the Holy Spirit might be at work? How am I holding this in my heart? Am I okay if it doesn’t work out? Or if it doesn’t work out like I expect? Or when I expect?
I’ve found these questions of the heart – and their answers – are also more difficult to face. And they can only be done with the help of the Holy Spirit who searches our hearts and reveals what’s in our hearts. They can only be done with a sense of safety when Jesus who is so compassionate and my heavenly Father who is so merciful, accompanies me on that journey of the heart.
This has also been making me more aware that ministry is not so much what I do to serve God, but what He does in me first and then through me, to bring about his Kingdom. One of the practices which have been a great help to me on this journey over the last year has been a way of praying, called ‘Praying your desires’ or ‘Questions for Jesus’.
So, I want to end this post, by offering you a question for Jesus:
Jesus, what have you been doing for me recently that I haven’t noticed? How have you been pursuing me?
